I Am Not the Mother I Thought I Would Be

Before you had kids did you have a picture in your mind about what type  of Mum you would be? Maybe that picture involved being less like some  Mums you knew and more like other Mums you really admired.

I had images of myself running and laughing through rows of fields and catching fireflies with my children. I had images of me with amazingly organised cupboards, 3 course meals on the table, meaningful activities everyday & the list can go on!

My thoughts would drift into “when I have kids I will never….”

Then…….I had kids. Reality hits hard.

When I had our first born I loved every minute. We had time to do things and I really loved this stage of my life. Our beautiful daughter came along 15.5 month later. Goals of skipping through the tulips and catching fireflies were definitely way gone! My world revolved around sleep, nappies and the humdrum of routine.

Embrace the Season YOU are in

During this time of little ones I remember feeling lost with monotony. I loved my kids but I didn’t quite enjoy the season because I never met my lofty standards of Motherhood. I always felt I could do better.

What I realise now is that I missed really enjoying my kids because I didn’t see the moments right in front of me. Phases go quickly embrace your season.

Understand who YOU are

It has taken me a LONG time to really accept who I am. I have never felt I have met anyone like me. When you accept who you are you will be able to accept who you are as a Mum. I will say this in the hope some will relate. I am not a very FUN Mum. I had visions of me being this way before I had kids but I am a “let’s get this done now with the least amount of fuss possible”. I am task oriented. The task at hand is definitely more important than your fun.

I am an introvert. This one has taken me a REALLY long time to accept.

When I did a personality test my score came back as 90% introvert 10% extrovert. Understanding HOW you are wired will really help you. I know I need lots of time alone but I have to be purposeful in meeting with people and reaching out.

If you would like to understand how you are wired I highly recommend doing the 16 personalities test. This test has probably also saved us years of marriage counselling.

Be careful to not just look at what you are not. Look at what you are. By doing the test I really understood some strengths and what I do offer to my kids as a Mum.

If you can’t BE it PLAN for it & LEARN from OTHERS!

If you know you are not wired a certain way but you desire to be a certain way then PLAN it. So…. I know and my kids know I am not that fun. No problems I plan for it.

  • Watch comedy – Tim Hawkins is hilarious
  • Plan some Family Adventures doing what the kids would like
  • Make the time we spend together FUN (meal times are precious)

If it doesn’t come naturally then be intentional about it.

Maybe its organisation in your home or in general. Get around a Mum who is like this. Whatever the area is plan small things that will help you to develop in that area.

One thing I would like to be better at is cultivating family traditions. The little things that are unique to your family that create make your family unique. Things that may be a little insignificant but are really important. For example we now always look forward to our French Toast Fridays. Its easy to prepare and gets us round the table and making memories!

Have some honest conversations with the kids about what they would like you to be. This is very insightful and worth the conversation.

Get around Mums who are different and who will encourage what you are not. Find or build some friendships with other Mums. I learn the most from people who are so opposite to me!

The Best Mum to Your Kids is YOU

God has given you your children because YOU are the best Mum for them. When I struggle I ask the Lord to help me to be what they need right now. When your kids are little its all about routine and listening. However as your kids grow you have to grow in how you relate to your children. You want them to develop in their independence but still learn to be DEPENDENT on the Lord.

The Best Mum to your Kids is YOU! No one does YOU like YOU!

Leave a comment – What type of Mum are you? Do you struggle with this too? What was your personality?

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