Motherhood

I Am Not the Mother I Thought I Would Be

Before you had kids did you have a picture in your mind about what type  of Mum you would be? Maybe that picture involved being less like some  Mums you knew and more like other Mums you really admired.

I had images of myself running and laughing through rows of fields and catching fireflies with my children. I had images of me with amazingly organised cupboards, 3 course meals on the table, meaningful activities everyday & the list can go on!

My thoughts would drift into “when I have kids I will never….”

Then…….I had kids. Reality hits hard.

When I had our first born I loved every minute. We had time to do things and I really loved this stage of my life. Our beautiful daughter came along 15.5 month later. Goals of skipping through the tulips and catching fireflies were definitely way gone! My world revolved around sleep, nappies and the humdrum of routine.

Embrace the Season YOU are in

During this time of little ones I remember feeling lost with monotony. I loved my kids but I didn’t quite enjoy the season because I never met my lofty standards of Motherhood. I always felt I could do better.

What I realise now is that I missed really enjoying my kids because I didn’t see the moments right in front of me. Phases go quickly embrace your season.

Understand who YOU are

It has taken me a LONG time to really accept who I am. I have never felt I have met anyone like me. When you accept who you are you will be able to accept who you are as a Mum. I will say this in the hope some will relate. I am not a very FUN Mum. I had visions of me being this way before I had kids but I am a “let’s get this done now with the least amount of fuss possible”. I am task oriented. The task at hand is definitely more important than your fun.

I am an introvert. This one has taken me a REALLY long time to accept.

When I did a personality test my score came back as 90% introvert 10% extrovert. Understanding HOW you are wired will really help you. I know I need lots of time alone but I have to be purposeful in meeting with people and reaching out.

If you would like to understand how you are wired I highly recommend doing the 16 personalities test. This test has probably also saved us years of marriage counselling.

Be careful to not just look at what you are not. Look at what you are. By doing the test I really understood some strengths and what I do offer to my kids as a Mum.

If you can’t BE it PLAN for it & LEARN from OTHERS!

If you know you are not wired a certain way but you desire to be a certain way then PLAN it. So…. I know and my kids know I am not that fun. No problems I plan for it.

  • Watch comedy – Tim Hawkins is hilarious
  • Plan some Family Adventures doing what the kids would like
  • Make the time we spend together FUN (meal times are precious)

If it doesn’t come naturally then be intentional about it.

Maybe its organisation in your home or in general. Get around a Mum who is like this. Whatever the area is plan small things that will help you to develop in that area.

One thing I would like to be better at is cultivating family traditions. The little things that are unique to your family that create make your family unique. Things that may be a little insignificant but are really important. For example we now always look forward to our French Toast Fridays. Its easy to prepare and gets us round the table and making memories!

Have some honest conversations with the kids about what they would like you to be. This is very insightful and worth the conversation.

Get around Mums who are different and who will encourage what you are not. Find or build some friendships with other Mums. I learn the most from people who are so opposite to me!

The Best Mum to Your Kids is YOU

God has given you your children because YOU are the best Mum for them. When I struggle I ask the Lord to help me to be what they need right now. When your kids are little its all about routine and listening. However as your kids grow you have to grow in how you relate to your children. You want them to develop in their independence but still learn to be DEPENDENT on the Lord.

The Best Mum to your Kids is YOU! No one does YOU like YOU!

Leave a comment – What type of Mum are you? Do you struggle with this too? What was your personality?

How to Protect Your Kids Ears

Have you ever had a hard time believing what God says about you? You know the truth but it can be hard to hear it when you are bombarded with lies. Like us, our kids will go through seasons where this will happen to them. Thankfully, we can protect ourselves, and our children, by learning to discern exactly what we are hearing. There are two parts to this; i) protecting what we hear, and ii) training our ability to understand the source of what we hear to embrace the good and reject the bad.

PROTECTING OUR KIDS EARS

There are so many voices that bombard our children. And each has a message that seeks to influence them one way or another. Media, TV, cartoons, YouTube, movies, music, school, friends, family members all have a voice that pushes to be heard in your life.

Today more than ever we have to be the gatekeeper to our homes and use our discernment to truly decide what we will allow in our homes. Why? because attached to each voice is a set of values that will either build up or tear down the work of God in a person’s life.

What words are being sung in the songs you allow into your home?

Do they seek to bring life and honour to the Lord?

Are these songs full of the current culture and its values?

Who are you chatting with on that game?

Who is commenting on your YouTube? Do you know them? And what is being said?

Are your children on social media?

Do you know the voices commenting, influencing and being given a place to speak over and within your child?

These are extremely important questions to ponder. And they do have implications. For our family at this stage I have decided to lead the way. My children do not have access to social media. I desire my home to be a place of rest for my children. Social media can be all consuming and I do not believe it adds to my children’s already busy lives. On the contrary, it provides access to your children in what is meant to be safe spaces (their home) with language and words that you would never allow to be spoken over your child if the person was actually there.

I WANT TO KNOW WHO IS SPEAKING INTO MY CHILDREN’S LIVES. AS THEIR PARENT, I AM MY CHILD’S AUTHORITY AND WITH THIS COMES A MANDATE TO PROTECT, GUIDE, LOVE AND TRAIN.

TRAINING OUR KIDS EARS

When my children were very young they started playing the piano with the Suzuki Method. This method trains the ear to listen to fine nuances within a piece of music. Through lots of practice and repetition and careful attention they developed a beautiful feel for music. This refinement and training of the ear came with intentionality.

It is the same with training our kids ears in the spiritual. We need to be very intentional. I love the following verse.

“My sheep hear my voice, and I know them, and they follow me: And I give unto them eternal life; and they shall never perish, neither shall any man pluck them out of my hand.” John 10:27-28

Everything we do needs to point to help our children to hear the Lord’s voice. That means we understand the fine nuances – we understand His tone. Whilst as parents we guard and protect them from negative, intimidatory, lying voices as much as we can, we can’t be there all the time. Learning to protect their own ears and most importantly, learn to hear the voice of God for themselves, is the best protection for their future we can give them.

How do we do this? We teach our kids to know the types of things He is likely to say, because this reveals His character and heart.

Here are some ideas:

 

  • Give time in your day to hearing what the Lord is saying.
  • Ask the Lord, “What is on your heart today?”
  • Read the Word so your children understand truth and develop in their discernment
  • Role play and give scenarios and ask them does this sound like Jesus or the enemy?
  • Teach your kids to not only hear but follow what the Lord may be saying.

 

There is great power in being intentional about helping our children to listen to what God is saying. Let us give them the best chance in hearing the one voice that matters in their world. Where we need to, let us strip back the other voices, especially those that seek to influence them negatively.

How is your journey in Motherhood?

How are you feeling? Are you tired, over it or anxious? Are you just living in a house or creating a home?

Do any of these words describe where you are at?

  • bored
  • disgusted
  • exhausted
  • fatigued
  • impatient
  • jaded
  • overworked
  • sleepy
  • beat
  • bushed

  • sick
  • spent
  • taxed
  • wearied
  • wearing
  • all in
  • bone-tired
  • burned out
  • dead
  • drained
  • drooping
  • indifferent
  • knocked out
  • out of gas
  • pooped
  • punchy
  • ready to drop
  • sick and tired
  • weary
  • wiped out
  • worn out
  • zonked
    • bushed
    • discontented
    • enervated
    • flagging
    • dead tired
    • dog-tired
    • done in
    • drowsy
    • fed up
    • had it

    I have been super blessed to be a Mum the last 13 years. That's over a decade now, and still I see there are so many areas that need work! Over these years I have felt every word on the above list!! I have been a stay at home Mum with 2 who were 15.5 months apart. I have had a season of working full time as a teacher while still being a Mum. Now I am a stay at home mum again with teenagers and a toddler!


    SO yes.....I have had the range of experiences in my time! I have been a youngish Mum and now I am in my 40's! Even so...I still don't have it together all the time but I feel as though I know what is important now.


    Do you ever look at other Mums and think they have it all together? I know I have in the past but what i realise 13 years into this and the above words are still part of my world. We live in an imperfect world raising imperfect little humans!


    We will never have it all together but we can certainly get better at BEING together. What I mean by this is I can't give what I don't have. I can't give what is not in my heart already. What I give to my children is my BEING. 

    One of the greatest MOTHERHOOD lessons I have learnt.....

    BEING - Patient - Kind - Loving - Gentle. I can't give these things to my children unless I possess them. This little lesson is one of the greatest lessons I have learnt in the season of motherhood. I wish I had realised this sooner! I just thought I needed to BE perfect. NO! This is not it at all. Being perfect or wanting perfect children is desiring the outside to be on show to the world. Being patient, kind, loving and gentle are all matters of the heart. 


    I have got it wrong for so many years. It is the HEART that matters. It is not the outward appearance. Making my children look perfect and behave perfectly. Of course their behaviour is important but if I am more concerned about them being perfect - I am wanting to please PEOPLE. Are my children behaving out of the wealth within their hearts or is it just to perform and look perfect?

    Above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it. Proverbs 4:23

    We need to guard our hearts for out of our hearts come our patience, kindness, love and gentleness. We need to cultivate our hearts before the Lord in out quiet times. When we are pressed what inside will be on display. No one is perfect but we can and must work on our BEING. 

    As part of my journey I am exploring how we can cultivate our hearts so we can enjoy motherhood and the joys this will bring. (I type this as my little one is having a wobbly) #momlife!


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